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Posted By:doit on: 5/20/2006 5:46:52 PM

Author: Thread: Don't talk to me!
Posts: 64

Don't talk to me!
Posted: Saturday, May 20, 2006 5:46:52 PM


Does anyone get antisocial after doing hair full time?  When I go home I just don't want to talk to anyone--no phone, no neighbors, no socializing.  Thank God I live alone.  All of the jabbering I have to do at work drains me more and more.  I'm even starting to feel like a real phony for pretending to be interested in certain clients.  Of course I have my favorites I've done for years and I enjoy seeing them, but I'm getting so tired of even the nice people.  Somedays I think I will lose my mind.   I don't think there is a solution to this, but I needed to vent.      

Posts: 2566
Platinum Member

Posted: Sunday, May 21, 2006 7:16:40 AM

Dear doit-

It is normal.  It sounds as if you have been really busy lately or always - with no break insight.  And I feel for you.  Because I too have watched the phone ring in the evening too.  My patience can be shorter also.  Standing on your feet and giving, giving, giving - making sure everyone else is happy can be very draining and sometimes at the end of the day you can be left with the feeling that there is nothing left for yourself because you are exhausted.  What you need to do is find some balance. 

At one point in our careers, all we want to do is work all the time and build out books.  We are so excited - we chat, chat and we start hopefully getting rebookings.  We would work any hours.  Well some of us.  Then it gets to the point that we are raising prices because our skills have been perfected more thru education and our books are more full.  Some of us change our schedules.  Reevaluate where you are now.  You truly can get burned out.  Maybe it is time to take a vacation to rejuvenate your soul.  Mark out those long holiday weekends.  Next weekend is Memorial Day.  I don't work them any more.  If you do a lot of color work - grey coverage touch ups are usally on 40 mins - you don't have to sit there the whole time and chit chat - you can do 2 back to back or 3 - or just go sit.  Clients want to relax.  Treat yourself to a massage.  Take a jacuzzi.  Take care of you so you can take care of others.  And if you don't want to talk to the neighbors then don't :)

PS - at the Salon Store Wynn Claybaugh has some great books (motivational) that address this very issue - I have read them and they have helped me.

Cindy Farr Hester  Asst Modertor

Posts: 84

you need a hobby
Posted: Sunday, June 18, 2006 7:39:00 PM
Is there something you like to do that helps you relax....When I'm not busy I will read a book or if I'm too busy I'll make time to have some peace and quiet. Take a lunch break and leave the shop even if it's just to go sit in your car...sometimes you just need a change in enviroment for a few minutes. It always helps to have a hobby, something to help you take your mind off things and just relax. I don't get a lot of me time because I have a family to take care of but I try to take a nice long hot bath atleast every other night. Maybe it's time for a vaccation too! You have to have a break or you could become burnt out! I think it's really good for hairstylist to exercise too! Where we tend to stand in one spot all day you kind of need a pace change, I will come home everyday and get on the treadmill for 15 minutes...believe it or not it really helps me "re-energize" myself.

Posts: 1174
Platinum Member

Posted: Monday, August 14, 2006 7:43:09 AM

I think it has more to do with figuring out what to talk about when you are with a client. I always use hair as a "backup discussion" to talk about when I don't like what the client is saying. You should also read books like "The Art of Conversation".

From a business perspective, you should touch upon several subjects, these change with the type of client you deal with (Regular or Walk in);

Hair (Longest you have grown? Shortest cut? Bad? Favorite cut?)
Taking care of the hair (Oily?) (Dry?)
Styling(Show them)
Family? Friends? Referring somebody

All of that takes about 15 minutes, leaving you with another 15 to talk about stuff you like. Stay away from religion, politics, sex or really negative or highly opininated or polarizing subjects where there are only two sides..

Read the paper and look for weird stories... something that will make them laugh.

If a client strarts up with a really negative outburst, I will deliberately blindside them with a story that has NOTHING TO DO with what they are talking about... DO NOT fall into the story at all! You can stop it short, just like shutting a faucet off. Never let a client dump on you; we live in a world where people dump negativity on one another all day long. Empathize, but then flip the switch...

Conversation is an exchange of energy between two people, you can lead or follow. Because the client becomes relaxed, they may feel like confiding or unburdening themselves onto you. The only way to deal with this is to REFLECT OPTIMISM. Really try hard to find the positive side of a negative without being artificial, or completely redirect the conversation by COMPLETELY changing the subject.
About three percent of your clientele will be somewhat negative. If you have more than that, it's because you LET them drag you down.

I have one client that is always down. I sort of rev myself up just before her appointment. I always kind of poke fun, but not right AT her, more so at the prickly situations she throws at me...(usually lose/lose scenarios) Always use yourself as an analogy of how you handled a similar situation, but OPTIMISTICALLY or with a touch of HUMOR.

I.e, When a client recently spoke about losing their mother, I offered my condolences, then brought up my own father's funeral, how I heard all these great stories about him that I had NEVER HEARD BEFORE. where someone left a tomato in the coffin with him because he loved tomatoes, I remembered my father in a good light because of all the memories he have others. Death and loss is part of the human experience, not one for us to dwell upon constantly!

Then quickly change the subject before they notice.

The first time I did this, I think she thought I was kind of messing with her, but this was because she had gone to so many other stylists at my salon that took her so SERIOUSLY, then continued to drone on and on about negative stuff, feeding the fuel of negativity.

I'm sure I will get a lot of responses from people about this post, but there is really only two things you can do, continue to absorb negativity from others to the point where you can't escape it no matter what, or CHANGE your attitude and make every moment behind the chair like a vacation!

I've been doing hair for twenty years now, and most of the fun I have behind the chair is when I have a really challenging client that tries to bring me down. You really have to challenge people to see the way out of their own misery sometimes.

Posts: 153
Bronze Member

Nice pointers!
Posted: Tuesday, August 15, 2006 8:47:31 PM
Russ, I think you gave really great pointers! I will have use some of them myself. I usually try to talk about hair anyways, what kind of shampoo they are using and I only fuss if they are using Pantene, lol. I don't push products terribly, but I suggest, if you will, and then we usually talk about all kind of other things. Time to time there are people that I just don't care to talk to, but I know I can't do that! Some people you can just tell aren't really give a rat's behind about what you're saying about hair, so I am printing out your pointers, just in case I need them in the future!

Posts: 402
Silver Member

Posted: Wednesday, August 16, 2006 6:18:01 AM

This is a social field. One of the best things about this field. Moms get to interact with adults at work, single people get to interact with the other single people, married people get to relate to married people stories, and all in all going to work is like going to a social club. Better then sitting behind a desk with no interaction in my opinion.

I dress well for work, put my make-up on for work & do my hair which is long to the small of my back. After getting bright eyed and bushy tailed I start my day with high energy, and a positive outlook. At the end of a long day of catering to everyone else's needs last thing I want to do at night is cater to anyone else. It's me time. Bubble bath time, Irish cream time, and exhale time. It's ok to feel that way. We work on our feet with our arms in the air, manipulating conversations all day, using our brains for theory, and our eyes for precision. Your allowed to be tired.

I have 400 gallons of fish tanks in my house, they really relax me, just sitting there watching the fish and listening to the running water is very soothing. I don't think about today, or tomorrow, or yesterday when I am watching the tanks.

Great advice from everyone here, it's clear to see this is a common feeling and we are not alone.



Posts: 66

Posted: Wednesday, August 16, 2006 8:27:01 AM
I have 400 gallons of fish tanks in my house, they really relax me, just sitting there watching the fish and listening to the running water is very soothing. I don't think about today, or tomorrow, or yesterday when I am watching the tanks.

OMG....me too! What kinds? Not to derail the thread, email me luvfishies@fishinthe.net or check em out at www.skwij.ca
http://www.skwij.ca >>-))o>

Posts: 4

Posted: Sunday, September 10, 2006 9:23:04 PM

I love the fish aquarium idea. Sooooo relaxing. I'm going to set up my 55 gallon in the next month or so. Re-modeling the house right now. But I'm sooo jealous of 400 gallons CJ and Amirage, well maybe not the clean-up.hee-hee.

I hate repeating things while talking to the clients. That usually happens when I'm a bit under the weather and not up to par. I really hate to hear the other stylists stories over & over but know it can't be helped. Sometimes those stations are just too close together or maybe our mouths are too loud.(hee-hee)

Posts: 18

work mode.....
Posted: Tuesday, October 17, 2006 4:25:38 AM
I think that when you work in any field, you have to turn on that "work mode" once you get through the door. It's just part of the deal. I really don't think that it's phoney, it's just being professional. We all deal with people we can't stand. That's just part of it. All clients contribute to your paycheck, so keep that in mind.

Posts: 3

Don't talk to me!
Posted: Wednesday, August 29, 2007 11:03:59 PM
Oh, I soooo feel like I wrote the original message here! I go home at night and get on my computer. I try not to talk to anyone personally if I can avoid it. I feel like I am on stage everyday when I go to work and have to put on a certain show for the public. I am tired when I get home. Thanx to all who gave doit suggestions because I just might try some of them out!

Posts: 31

I can relate too!
Posted: Saturday, September 08, 2007 10:16:06 PM

Funny because I feel the same way some/most nights after a busy day of talking talking/listening listening.  Anyone else have a boyfriend/girlfriend at home and feel that even conversing with them is too much after a long day? 

Hobbies is a great idea..I'll give it  a go!